Theme Parks Rock

Sometimes schools have these great events called ‘inset days’.

I have no idea what happens in school on these days just that the kids don’t need to go. Strangely they always seem to be on either a Friday or a Monday, which is very good of them as it’s an excuse to slip in a days leave, extend the weekend and go do something.

This time around: Alton towers, the Uk’s No1 theme park.

I don’t get bored at theme parks generally, except whilst queuing of course, that sucks.

We like to play; ‘Find The Ride Camera.’ This is a must for all thrill ride pro’s. You can usually get a reasonable idea of the cameras location while you queue for the ride, but not always. Sometimes you have to locate it as you fly around the track, which can be difficult to say the least when you spot it with 1/100^th of a second spare until the flash!

A pro however will find it and hit a pose at just the right moment and angle. We always strive to do this and not just to buy the photo at the end. Sometimes the gasps, respect and admiration of the other riders who see your uber cool image is enough in itself.

You can go for the classics such as the two finger ‘peace’ sign. The double point, the salute and the wave. I’ve tried to mix it up recently though with ‘Reading the map as everyone around you screams’, ‘Checking the time’ and the tricky ‘Emotionless Michael Myers face’.

Here’s a cool story; ‘Rita’ is the fastest ride in the park. Zero to 100 KPH in 2.5 secs and pulls 4.7G. During a very tight-banked helix my daughter CATCHES a pair of expensive looking glasses thrown off of the girl in the car in front. As we slowed down I looked over to see her holding these specs with a look of surprise and amazement on her face. The lightening reactions of my ‘Padwan’ make me so proud.

This girl in front was desperately hunting for her glasses when the ride stopped, we put her out of her misery and she was so happy I thought she was going to cry.

This visit was thoroughly enjoyable and as always there is education to be gained:

• Ducks love donuts.
• Other schools also have inset days! :-(
• Don’t do an extreme ride 15 mins after hoofing down a full English with hash browns and ‘death bread’.
• Those huge soft toys that people win aren’t taken in at night or in the rain so good luck with the Febreze on those guys!
• People fart in queues, there is no etiquette.
• People still queue jump, and not just French people.
• All snack stops will cost £25
• Rain ponhos: If you buy cheap, you buy twice. Go for the thick one that smells like a rubber dinghy.
• Hermit crabs occasionally swap shells, and are bullies.
• If the software goes tits up on a virtual realty ride you will probably get travelsick!
• Don’t pull the bar down that extra click on ‘Nemesis’, unless you can hold your breath for over two minutes while high on adrenaline!

BD…